“HAIL TO THE CROSS, OUR ONLY HOPE.”
-St. Edith Stein’s last words before her execution at Auchwitz
What in the Sam Hill am I doing? I have a quiz and a test tomorrow and yet I am trying to stay up all night long. Once again, WHAT IN THE SAM HILL AM I DOING??
Baby, this is sacrifice.
Let me explain. It had been super hard for me to get up in the morning since about mid-year. Because of that, I had stopped going to daily mass. I loved it so much! But my body just wouldn’t let me wake up. It really stunk.
Each Friday, my parish has a morning mass for the teens. Since the local high school is right across the street they can just walk over to school after mass and a light breakfast.
Going to morning mass was the last thing on my schedule last Friday. Not because I didn’t want to go, but because I just didn’t think I would be able to.
The Lord decided to bless me with a restless night. No sleep. At all. The kicker was that my father was dropping us off at my grandmother’s around 6AM that day and then she would bring us to school. (Yes, I know. Still no license.) I finally caught His drift around 3AM and I had a plan to get my father to drop me off at the church on his way to my grandmother’s house. Yada, yada, yada. I went to mass. Even though at that moment I didn’t savor it like I should’ve, in the end I was so happy to have spent that time and made that sacrifice for my Love.
Tonight I an having another restless night. So I caught this bright idea: stay up every Thursday night so I can go to mass Friday morning. This might just backfire on me, but I can do well without sleep. I may be less lucid, but I am still pretty responsive.
I’m not posting this here to be all “holier than thou.” I am using this as an example for Lenten penance and sacrifice.
I have already failed miserably at my Lenten promises, but I just have to keep getting up. I have to at least be willing to do anything I can to fulfill those promises and still accept the charity of others and also still be charitable.
So I get no sleep. I am not going to go around school like a zombie, complaining and making a big deal out of my stupid, insignificant suffering. No, I am going to offer it up as penance and reparation. I am going to try to save souls through my suffering. If I complain I am just wasting the reward that waits; if I shut-up, souls who deserve it more will receive it.
Lent is about preparation. Lent is our training season. We are supposed to be made stronger so that we can fight with the rest of the Church Militant. Christ better not see wimpy soldiers in his military. (crap, I should either hide or hit the weights.)
But your training shouldn’t just be in Lent. We are called to sanctify everyday with our sacrifice. The little things. Look at St. Thérèse. If you have read her Story of a Soul you should know that she was really seen as nothing. Yet, she is a doctor of the church. How can this be!?!!! I’ll tell you: love. She did every single thing with love. Since most of her adult life was spent in sickness, she really couldn’t do much. But even the simple, tiny work, like talking with someone she wasn’t very fond of or cleaning the sacristy, was done with love. This is what led her to sanctity.
If that simple French girl can become a doctor of the church, can’t we become saints?
So bulk up soldiers!! There’s a war going on out there, and after Easter
Hahahah, pax vobiscum, y’all! :)
UPDATE: I passed out around 2AM. I had alarms set just in case. Didn’t really work out. Haha! We humans, sometimes—a lot of times—we screw up. Oh well, I’ll do a spiritual communion and try to do better next time.